Monday, November 28, 2011

Popcorn and a Movie: The Three Musketeers


D'Artagnan is a young man who has always dreamed of joining the king's Musketeers. When he journeys to Paris, he not only insults three of the best musketeers (Athos, Aramis, and Portos) one after another, but also discovers that Cardinal Richelieu has disbanded the musketeers and is plotting to take over the country, while the young king fritters his time away worrying about clothes and how to win over his young queen.

Of course, D'Artagnan won't stand for that. He inspires Athos, Aramis, and Portos to work against the Cardinal. Along the way, they run into Athos' old traitorous girlfriend, Milady de Winter, and her new


Cons: Um, plenty of them. The costumes are quite period, which (of course) means low-cut necklines for the gals. Milady de Winter's outfit of choice for breaking into the queen's chambers is...ahem...let's just say that it pushes the limits of what should be allowed in a PG-13 movie. (And honestly, that was the killer for me. If I'd known exactly how bad that outfit was, I wouldn't have gone to see the movie.)

My apologies to anyone who still likes Orlando Bloom, but...yeeeeuck. I could stomach him in LotR and PotC, but he just doesn't look good here. Especially in a bright purple brocade. Ick.

There are some suggestive comments, mostly involving the beautiful double agent Milady.

Overall, the violence isn't bad, until we get to D'Artagnan and Rochefort's duel on the rooftop of a church. D'Artagnon is repeatedly stabbed and grabs Rochefort's sword-blade a couple of times to prevent another wound, which is incredibly wince-inducing.

Quite a few cuss-words, and plenty of drinking.

Pros: After all that, it's amazing that I could find some good stuff about this film. But, I did. Whether or not it balances out the bad remains to be seen.

Portos, Athos, and Aramis (and later D'Artagnon) are a loyal team. They work well together and watch each others backs.

The storyline itself is entertaining and fun. Plenty of swashbuckling and sneaking going on here. I thought the beginning sequence with the musketeers and Milady de Winter breaking into Michalangelo's secret vault was pretty cool. And there were some added steampunk elements, like the giant airships built by the cardinal and the duke of Buckingham.

CONCLUSION: This one definitely isn't family friendly and, as much as I liked some parts of it, other parts force me to conclude that this is one I won't be watching again.

Two stars.


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